I Never Got To Tell You
A dream full of healing
I love to see you in my dreams, Pop
I am praying more regularly these days.
It’s a way for me to honor this journey of forgiveness that I am on
More and more often, I am accepting life as it comes, and it is setting me free to play more.
This morning when I saw you, it was as if I was being asked to be
a witness in what seemed like a holographic space — not quite asleep, not fully awake.
It felt like I crashed some making amends party — but my heart said that you invited me — that this was an answer to its silent prayer.
Thank you for giving me a glimpse of what your soul is up to — you look much younger.
A small family meeting at Gramma’s house — that cherished metal table — felt like old times.
A family gathering place. So many conversations and good food shared.
It felt comforting to find myself there — sitting across from you.
Patrick was sitting next to you, and that surprised me a little at first.
I’m sure you know my relationship with him is strained to say the least.
Perhaps you are trying to rectify some of how you were responsible for the distance between us — history, mystory.
I was a bit startled as I watched your heartfelt apology and affection for him.
Isn’t it funny that you named him after your own Father, and today he carries so much of the gentleness of Grandpa locked far away from himself and his sisters?
The tears that came into his eyes when you threw your arm around his neck and pulled him to you — was beautiful, Pop.
I turned my head to look at him and saw him begin to break down. Tears streaming down his face as you apologized — he received it — in the way, a little boy would do.
I woke with his tears locked in my throat.
With this writing, I am finding their release.
I am not responsible for what was the relationship between the two of you.
Perhaps these words will heal that too.
